I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
