i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
