She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you told grandpa to call you daddy
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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