haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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