I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
