im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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