Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize