I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
