Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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