Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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