i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
