some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
