Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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