Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
