you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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