So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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