When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
