Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
