I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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