you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
