please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
