i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
