Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
