Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
