he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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