Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
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