If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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