She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
