I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just found puke in my bra..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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