Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
