I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Even my vagina gasped.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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