Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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