hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
