After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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