you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We have so much sex to catch up on
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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