Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
