I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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