Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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