Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
