Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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