More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Porn is love you can see.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
