your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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