Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
