Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
