she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
