I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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