adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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