College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize