if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
