The maid of honor just puked.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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