Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
