i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
