dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize