I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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