ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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