dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
