I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
