You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
