I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
