i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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