It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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