We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
