dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
