If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
