First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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