Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
