so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize