i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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