Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I touched a dick in church today
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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