WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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