he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize