Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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