When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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