In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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