the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
