if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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