i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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