If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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