I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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