Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
