Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
