"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
