So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
