Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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