I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
