And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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