So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
