JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My vagina is officially offended.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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