I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
