my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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