I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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