this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
