I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
