I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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