Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
