It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
