Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
